jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
