If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
