oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
