I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink