White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
