I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
