Texts From Last Night

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  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (3050) Bad night (837)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.

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  (505): And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off. http://tfl.nu/pihu
  Replies (16) Good night (7912) Bad night (1122)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

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  (412): on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on. http://tfl.nu/nsc2
  Replies (20) Good night (5638) Bad night (976)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

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  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
  Replies (15) Good night (5324) Bad night (1588)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (11265) Bad night (1400)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

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  (804): he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america. http://tfl.nu/700m
  Replies (16) Good night (3946) Bad night (985)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either

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  (516): i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either http://tfl.nu/wksp
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (2646)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?

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  (919): are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet? http://tfl.nu/54if
  Replies (14) Good night (4355) Bad night (1287)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony

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  (804): Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony http://tfl.nu/wi0z
  Replies (13) Good night (2919) Bad night (1306)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...

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  (704): You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that... http://tfl.nu/s4gm
  Replies (10) Good night (2462) Bad night (1091)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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  (240): Apparently you can coat check a keg. http://tfl.nu/sdmi
  Replies (4) Good night (2065) Bad night (1012)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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  (606): after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. http://tfl.nu/ni37
  Replies (17) Good night (5745) Bad night (999)
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  (760): View more from California

  You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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  (760): You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare http://tfl.nu/ctrq
  Replies (13) Good night (826) Bad night (2368)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.

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  (775): I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist. http://tfl.nu/2qn6
  Replies (5) Good night (439) Bad night (1133)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.

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  (586): What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents. http://tfl.nu/qe34
  Replies (2) Good night (730) Bad night (387)

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