My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.