I need help removing her.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.