i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
