paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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