i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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