5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
