We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
