when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
