Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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