you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
