i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
