I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
