I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
