guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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