No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
