You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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