I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
