Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
