erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
