I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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