i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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