when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
