we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
