Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
tell me about the fingering
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