i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
