I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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