She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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