you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
