Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
