Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pants are for mortals
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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