your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
