who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
