its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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