Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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