I need to stop coming to work sober
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
