I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
