so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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