Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
