My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
