Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
