I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
