i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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