I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
