4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
