It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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