and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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