What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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