i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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