We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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