Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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