I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
