waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
