Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
