whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
FUCK WHALES
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
