And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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