Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
