Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
